


Only If For a Night

by ChronoXtreme



Series: I Look To You (An Azure Moon) [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: All hail florence, And just lost his eye, Byleth is his goddess, Dimitri eats the weeds, Dimitri is sick, F/M, Fever Dreams, Gardens & Gardening, Ghosts, Infection, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Surreal, based on a Florence + the Machine Song, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 08:04:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20991590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronoXtreme/pseuds/ChronoXtreme
Summary: "And I heard your voice as clear as dayAnd you told me I should concentrateIt was all so strange and so surrealThat a ghost should be so practicalOnly if for a night."- Only If For a Night (Florence + the Machine





	Only If For a Night

**Author's Note:**

> "And the only solution was to stand and fight  
And my body was bruised and I was set alight  
But you came over me like some holy rite  
And although I was burning, you're the only light  
Only if for a night."

They haunted him no matter where he went.

It didn’t matter that he didn’t  _ know _ where he was; all he could see was forest and darkness. When he turned, the darkness skittered with him, swallowing half the world in shadow. It was his eternal companion now, a mocking replacement for Dedue or Ingrid or Sylvain, or even Felix. 

Fitting for a beast like him. 

They lived in that darkness, no matter which way he turned his head. Their whispers filled his head, no longer restricted to the nighttime now that the darkness was always with him. The headaches came during the day now, his body struggling to adjust to the world cut in half like this. 

_ “You left him behind.” _

_ “Abandoned him, just as you abandoned us.” _

Hand over his empty socket, he staggered forward, the weight of those words pressing down on him. 

_ “Where is our tribute, boy?” _

“I… I will find her, Father.”

_ “With only one eye? With a fever?” _

“I  _ will! _ I swear it!”

_ “Swear as much as you like — oaths are meaningless! I promised to be with you forever, and look what happened to us!” _

But it was all he could do, give out empty promises and beg for mercy. Goddess, he just needed to rest. Just for a little while. 

_ “Rest is for the weak.” _

_ “We can never rest! What makes you think you deserve it?” _

His tears had run dry long ago, when he’d left Dedue behind — how could he? But how could he not? — but the burning still continued in both eyes. Chest aching, he stumbled to a stop, arm resting against the trunk of a tree as he gasped for breath. The voices choked him with their demands, their screams. Or was it the fever? He needed medicine, a doctor, something to regain his strength…

Despite their screams, his legs buckled, and the darkness swallowed him whole. 

* * *

When his eyes opened, the first thing he noticed was the blades of grass tickling his nose.

Slowly, sluggishly, he sat up, blinking. Sweat dripped down his skin, little rivers coursing underneath his clothes that did little to soothe the burning of his flesh. Wearily he licked his dry lips, then froze. 

He was not in the forest. 

The proud towers of Garreg Mach loomed over him, set alight by the dying sun.  _ What? _

He hadn’t been here in years, yet it was if he’d gone back in time. And when he brushed his hair back, it wasn’t as long. His worn and dented armor was replaced by a uniform, a cloak pinned to his shoulder with no fur. A thousand questions buzzed around him like a swarm of flies, but they vanished as soon as his ears picked up a sound.

Humming. 

Whirling around, he found himself outside the greenhouse. At once he smiled and frowned: the greenhouse was not a place he’d frequented, but it was still special to him. Dedue had spent so much time here, growing beautiful plants and nurturing seeds and digging his fingers into the soil. And…

He forced the doors open, though they offered him no resistance. Tears ran down his cheeks. 

There, sitting on the edge of one of the flower beds, was his beloved professor. 

The sunlight falling through the windows seemed to set her on fire, her entire being wreathed in golden glittering warmth. Her cheeks burned a rosy pink, her lips vibrant as they pressed together, humming a song he could not remember. Golden fingers parted leaves and plants, deftly removing weeds. 

A single step on his part was all it took for her head to lift, her eyes to widen, her lips to part in a smile that burned him to the core with its radiance. “Ah, Dimitri,” she said. “Come to help me garden?”

He remembered when Lady Rhea had taken them to the holy tomb for his beloved professor to receive her revelation from the goddess. Sitting on the stone throne, she had looked the part of a divine messenger, a prophetess in embryo. 

But here, she looked like the goddess herself. 

Something like a whimper bled from his lips as he staggered towards her, sinking to his knees. He threw his arms around her legs, his tears soaking her knees as he wept, sobbing against her skin. 

He hadn’t seen in her so long. She had never joined the voices, never followed him in the darkness. But now, here she was, so pure and so beautiful and so  _ alive, _ and his whole being ached with the memory of her smile, her voice, and then the sight of her falling down down  _ down— _

“Shh.” His breath hitched as soft fingers parted his hair, gently stroking his scalp. “It’s okay, Dimitri. You’re going to be okay.” 

Would he? He felt so tired, so weak and bruised and broken. 

“That’s because of the infection,” she said gently. “Look at me, Dimitri. Concentrate.” 

He blinked. Such a strange thing to say. But he obeyed, reluctantly lifting his head from her lap to look at her. 

“You truly have pushed yourself too hard, haven’t you?” she murmured, her eyes filled with sadness. “You always did that, you know. Even during the academy.” Her fingers still carded through his hair, but her other hand reached towards the flowerbeds, plucking something from the soil. “Do you remember when I taught you about healing herbs?”

He blinked. Suddenly, this moment felt so surreal. Shouldn’t she be screaming at him, demanding penance for his failure to save her? Shouldn’t she be angry at him? That was what the others did, the voices screaming— 

“No, Dimitri. Focus. Concentrate on me,” she ordered, and he nodded once more. “You need to find these flowers.” She pressed the purple flower to his lips, and the sharp scent filled his nostrils like incense. “Liepa. It will help you fight off the infection. It’s best if you brew it into tea, but eating them straight is better than nothing.” Gently, her finger pressed against his lips and he obediently parted them, letting her feed him the blossom. “Remember, Dimitri. Find these flowers and eat them.”

The taste was acrid, almost bitter, but it filled him with a warmth that fought against the burning in his body. He sighed in contentment, his head falling limp against her thighs once more. A soft chuckle rang in the air, and her hand gently patted his head. “Rest, Dimitri. You’ve been running for far too long.”

His eyes drifted closed, even as more tears fell onto her skin. “Why?” he rasped, voice broken. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why would I hate you?” 

“Because I…” He had to bite his lip to stop himself from weeping again. “I couldn’t save you.” 

“Oh, Dimitri.” And the feeling of her lips pressing to his forehead felt like it was from the goddess herself: a blessing, a sacred rite. “One day, you will learn to not shoulder the guilt of the world on your shoulders. But for now, know this: it was my choice. And I will never hate you.” 

Weakly, he nodded, and despite his eyes being closed, he could still see her smile. 

“Remember the flowers, Dimitri.”

It was a frankly surreal benediction. But he clung to it like he clung to his beloved, resting in the lap of the goddess. 

* * *

When he opened his eye, he could smell that acrid perfume. 

His body lay at the base of the tree, shivering and soaked with sweat. And when he shifted, his nose brushed against a cluster of purple flowers, illuminated by the silver light of the moon.

_ Liepa. Remember, Dimitri. _

When he ate them all, gorging himself until he was full, he did not hear the voices. Only if for a night. 

**Author's Note:**

> When I remembered this song (Only If For a Night) I immediately pictured Timeskip Dimitri dreaming of Byleth, so this weird trippy fic came out. Poor kid needs a good rest. Anyway, go listen to this song right now because it's beautiful and surreal and gorgeous. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GJNhwcY2BA
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments below. (Also, don't eat the weeds)


End file.
